May The Yankee Chicken Have This Dance?

My, doesn’t The Yankee Chicken look dapper this evening? Well, that’s because he’s so happy for the nine years of despondency to finally be over. So much so, that he’s asked the Yankees to take a spin with him on the dance floor, to show his gratitude and to show off his Fred Astaire-ian like abilities:

I bet you didn’t know he was so light on his feet.

Bwah! of the Day

I know the context of this picture, but I think it’s better if you don’t and leave it to your imagination. Because…

Snerk.

Oh, okay. If you must to know….

Mom is the Mo of the Yankee Quotables Season

My mom got really into the Yankees this post-season. And since she didn’t do a rundown of what she thought of the players at the beginning of the season, I give some of my mom’s thoughts on the parade today, as e-mailed to me:

12:18: It’s a good thing you didn’t go it’s just mobbed to capacity! But, Andy Pettitte looked so cute and Mark (TUSHY) Teixeira is soooooooo freaking adorable [editor's note: Mom also dug Tino - must be a first basemen thing]. There was a bit of a fire due to all the paper. What a great day for them.

12:21: Some paper caught on fire but they put it out immediately. People are like sardines—a tad scary too many people. — OH GOD ANDY looks like Gregory PECK!!!!!

12:23: JOBA IS ADORABLE TOO— I NEVER SAW HIM SO HAPPY AND REAL. USUALLY DURING GAMES HE IS SO SERIOUS. WHERE IS NICK SWISHER???

Ahem.

I might have had a little something in my eye when first viewing the ridiculously happy-looking players and the World Series(!) trophy easing down Broadway.

This shit never gets old.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!! (X1 billion)

I CAN’T BELIEVE IT. I can’t stop smiiiiiiling. The Yankee Chicken is crying. You want this all season (or 8 seasons in this case) and then it happens and it’s SO FUCKING AWESOME. It never gets old. My face hurts!!!!

A-Rod has a ring! Thumper has a ring! Matsui has a ring!! Jeter, Mo, Andy and Jorgie have a handful! The New Stadium isn’t hexed! MY BLOG FINALLY HAS A WORLD SERIES CHAMPIONSHIP IN ITS ARCHIVES. (Seriously – in the 8 years I’ve kept this thing, they’ve never won it). I need time to process a bit and will have a bigger post then. For now, I’ll leave you with this:

Quote of the Day

“So last night, I was watching the aftermath…” – My mom, on the YES post-game.

Oh No You Di-int

Well, looks like with A-Rod kicking ass and taking names, the tabs have to pick on someone. And who do they go after? My darling Thumper.

No, Daily News, it’s $181 million for this:
Regular season: 122 RBI with a .948 OPS. Countless runs saved as a result of his glove. Keeping the team alive sans A-Rod. His presence in the lineup probably helping A-Rod, in both the regular and post season.

Sure, he’s below par in the playoffs. But the hits he HAS gotten have counted. Remember, he ended Game 2 in the ALDS with his bat; it was his bases-clearing double that started that 6-run rally in Game 5…before the pitching blew it. He tied Game 2 up the other night with a home run. Last night he kept the rally going with a double that he later scored on, allowing the Yankees to pull within 8-5. He’s not performing entirely like he did in the regular season, but is that worthy of a backpage bitchslap? Hardly.

But you guys go on thinking the failure to clinch was all his fault and not that of A.J. Burnett and an inconsistent bullpen. No siree. Because we all know making less money means you make less of an impact on, you know, how the game turns out.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

Quote of the Night

“Why did you have to tell me that?” – My mother, upon finding out she shares a birthday with Pedro “the serial killer” Martinez (and that they share a common interest in gardening).

Chick in a Box

So, as a result of the awesomeness of Steph’s sister, the two of us got to attend our first World Series game ever (Steph’s first playoff game ever, after heinous travel luck in previous playoffs), and we did so in a luxury box (for free! My second free “suite” in a month – the other was in Italy. Heh heh). Which was simultaneously amazing and strange. Amazing, because the seats are hella comfy, there are heatlamps, there’s free (good) food, there’s a private bathroom en suite, and you have lots of legroom and a nice ledge in front of you to place your things, such as your food, cell phone (needed for texting various other Yankee Vixens) and Yankee Journal.

Strange? Because you can tell everyone sitting around you makes more money than you ever will in your lifetime, and when you gaze around the whole luxury level, you see more than a few people who are more into shmoozing than watching the game itself – I mean, half the level emptied by the 8th inning. It was kind of sad. But when you have a seat for the second game of the World Series, it doesn’t matter where it is. You are there and the people who StubHub boxed out are not. You appreciate every second of it. Especially when the Yankees win.

What I don’t appreciate is Buck and McCarver being at a totally different game than I attended, and pontificating on it as if what they said was true. I swear, I was ready to stalk down to the Fox box to do some serious ass-whooping last night. You see, there are TVs with closed-captioning in the suites, right above your head. At one point, Steph pokes me and is all “Oh. My. God.” Apparently, one of the Foxies (and we assume it’s Joe Buck as the font just oozed with smarm) mused that the Stadium was “quiet.” Friends, I’ve gone to many, many a game in the Bronx, playoff and regular season, and let me tell you, that game was tame, but anything BUT quiet. The crowd was humming/buzzing/what have you all night, which I’d NEVER experienced in my visits before. Then I made the mistake of looking at the replay of Thumper’s homer, and I see the closed captioning smarm that “And at 9:04 p.m. Eastern time, the crowd finally arrives” or something equally insulting. I made strangling motions at the TV, probably weirding out the Brooks Brothers convention in the box next to ours. Because SERIOUSLY. Where the fuck were they when A.J. recorded his first strikeout? The stadium ERUPTED. When Pedro first took the hill? You couldn’t make out what the crowd was chanting, because so many people were doing the “Who’s Your Daddy?” not in unison. Molina’s pickoff? Inspired one of the most ferocious en-masse cheers I’ve ever heard.

What, because we don’t have rally towels or thunderstix or fireworks and actually use our hands and voices to make noise it somehow doesn’t register in the broadcast booth? No, it wasn’t loud in the batshit crazy sense the whole game. But the place was buzzing the whole. damn. time. Take my word for it. And stop trying to paint Yankee fans as complacent and bored and undeserving or something, Fox. Because you so know they will use the “quiet” to compare to the Phillies fans undoubtly waving their towels on Saturday night and they’ll be all “Look how inspiring they are! Unlike those ungrateful fucks in New York City.” Or something like that.

On the same note, outside of my occasional glances at the offending subtitling, it was the calmest I’ve been all playoffs. No ansty moving around and no need to clean to burn of anxiousness and no needing to look away. What I like about watching games in person is you get to focus on what YOU want to focus on. Not what the crazy camera men want to see, and not what the idiots in the booth want to talk about. You don’t have a bunch of droning from dudes trying to “make” drama with their words. You can just, you know, watch the game. It was lovely.

Oh, and since it was a big game and you know celebrities are the biggest bandwagoners out there, you know they’re going to the World Series, too. Those spotted last night: When we finally found the suite level (I swear to god, it’s like a secret passageway), Steph all of a sudden goes “And there goes Chace Crawford.” Totally missed that one. But on the way out, we were walking by the parking garage, and Matthew McConaughey was outside on his cell phone by an SUV, attracting a crowd of gawkers. Never saw either of them during the regular season, so, yeah, whatever.

And speaking of the regular season, I just want to note that not only was I there for the first-ever win at the new Yankee Stadium, I also got to see the first-ever World Series win at the new Yankee Stadium.

Like, if the new Yankee Stadium was on Facebook, I’d totally be friending its ass right now.

Carrot Juice

Those are totally sacrificial carrots pointed out at Thumper’s smiling, ginormous scoreboard head. They were procured from the bounty of food in the suite (HA!) Steph and I were perched in during the game last night. There’s more on that, the story of my first-ever World Series game, to come later, but the real story behind this photo? Is that it was snapped pretty much at the exact moment Thumper’s bat was disposing of Pedro’s offering – as in he homered with the carrot sticks pointing right at him. All of a sudden I hear the crack, hear the crowd squee, see the ball soaring and check the outfielders to see if they can track it down. They don’t, the ball is gone, tie game.

You’re very welcome.

I Am Glad to Safe in the Bosom of Yankee Territory…

…but my college friend Ryan isn’t so lucky. Here, he talks about being a Yankees fan in Phillies country. Those of you who are outside the NYC metro area may be able to relate a bit, and I gotta give my props to you guys. Keeping the faith among the haterz of the world has to be way more difficult in person than it is on the internet, and is worthy of much, much praise…

Who Needs a Record Deal When Chick-Fil-A Knows Your Name

I swear to god. Now he’s got Chick-Fil-A personalizing stuff for him.

I need to get famous.

All I Need Now is an Opium Addiction and TB

So today I came home from a long-ass day at work, and while I was riding on the train, I thought, as I have every so often the last 9 months or so, “I wonder if that editor read the partial manuscript I sent her back in February or did she lose it?” Well, I need not wonder anymore – I got the big fat rejection letter in my mailbox to prove she did indeed get it!

I’m not that bummed, which is probably because I know my work can always be better. But it does irk me that I didn’t get any feedback to know how. I met this editor in a group critique session back in January and she encouraged all of us to send our work to her for review, so I figured a face-to-face meeting would at least warrant something other than a canned response – especially since she seemed to dig my stuff. I get that editors are crazy busy and I respect that, but… how the hell can you figure out what an editor doesn’t like about your work if you’re getting a form letter? Ah, the classic writers’ lament. I guess it’s better than the completely empty envelope I received back from an unnamed agent in response to a query letter last year. Yeah.

But what does all this mean? I got a rejection letter. I’m now officially a struggling writer. Which is better than not being a writer at all. Bitchez.

For Those Keeping Score At Home

Last night set a record in terms of Fox camera obsession. Do you want to venture a guess at how many times they showed Mike Scioscia? What if I told you they showed him 24 times – and that was only by the 4th inning? Oh yes, the obsession waned a bit in the middle innings, but then his face came all roaring back and ended with 46 shots, by my count. That totally eclipses the Pedro Martinez and his Oven Mitts of Fury count of 33, set in 1999…

…except guess who the Yankees are playing later this week? The Phillies. And guess who is now a starting pitcher for the Phillies? Why, that’d be PEDRO MARTINEZ (don’t know about the Oven Mitts of Fury – they may be SO turn-of-the-century or something). And it doesn’t even matter if he’s pitching. The game in which he was viewed 33 times happened when he wasn’t even starting. I am eager to see if the Foxies fall back in love with him. (And could you imagine if it was a Phillies/Angels World Series? It would be a battle royale between Scioscia and Pedro for sure, with the games at hand being sacrificed for…facetime.)

Anyway, I encourage all of you to guess who will be Fox’s new Dugout Sweetheart.* It does help with the stress a bit, and it’s quite fun! Think of the drinking games that could come out of this…

*(Don’t count out A-Rod, since it’s his first… oh, who am I kidding. It’ll totally be Pedro)

Quien Es Mas Macho? I Think You Know

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